Girls and Boys

I got a chance to discuss some interesting things about family relations in China. Some things you probably already know, most Chinese parents work long hours so they are raised by the grandparents. Many if not most Chinese fathers and mothers do not live in the same province b/c it's very difficult to find jobs in general, so the husbands and wives only see each other 2-3 times a year (perhaps this explains the proliferation of pink houses...). B/c of the extreme level of competitiveness in the job market, children starting at age 12 are often sent off to a different province (i.e. state) for middle and high school-boarding schools. But even with all this, the level of family respect is very interesting. I asked what would happen if a girl became pregnant and she was not married. The girl's and boy's parents would discuss together on whether they agree that the girl and boy should get married. Most importantly, the boy's parents would decide whether they think the girl is good enough for their boy. If they don't think so, they will tell her to get lost. At this point, the girl's parents would usually try to pressure her to get an abortion unless they want her to keep the baby. If she does not want an abortion, they will kick her out and never talk to her again. If the boy and girl do not agree to all this, and instead want to get married--this is unheard of, the idea of not agreeing with your parents but I had to inquire for sake of full disclosure and understanding--then they would be cut off from both families who would never speak to them again. If a girl has the baby, the next decision comes, whether to keep the baby. A certain Houdini may find this interesting. Very often, the girl would be against an abortion but would not want to keep the baby so they will often just drop off the baby at the train station or hospital or bus station or police station or in the middle of the street. This is very convenient b/c then people that want to have a child but cannot can just pick it up, fill out some forms that take 30 minutes to do, and it's their baby. I asked if there is any legal concerns for the new mother, and was faced with blank expressions and finally explanations that no, of course not, this is normal. You gotta love the efficiency, in America, if someone wants to abandon their baby, they gotta give it to DCFS which will stick it into a foster home for probably 3 years while they process paperwork or whatever it is they do and then they will spend a long time hassling prospective adoptive parents with interviews and home visits b4 they can adopt the baby...